For the restless spirit!

Jan 4, 2014 : My mom passed away. Aug 8, 2014 : My dad passed away. May they rest in eternal peace. At the age I am in, losing a parent is only to be expected, something one must be prepared for - it's life's natural process. The Circle of Life. Yet, when it happens, we feel a void....irrespective of how old we are or how distant. And that void stays.... When you lose both in such a short span as I did recently, it leaves a kind of numbness.... that refuses to go away. Suddenly, a lot of things seemed to have changed for me, as I landed in my hometown to perform the final rites for my dad earlier this week. "Home" didn't quite feel like "home - and it was very disconcerting. I fought back tears as I stood in the immigration queues for my phone would no longer ring - as it always did - to ensure I had landed safely. I was mentally prepared for my father's demise, as compared to that of my mom's - but yet, the emptiness did not seem more toler...

I came here - looking for peace...  Maybe I was trying to run away ... From unpleasantness .... hate .... hurt.....pain.... for just a while.  An escape - to breathe fresh air, to clear my mind and bring some peace - however transient.  But it worked. As I looked up in wonder at the clear blue skies, the green foliage all around and the  tufts of sheer white clouds, as the air got cooler, as the car winded it's way to higher altitudes, something inside me started lifting too.  For the last few days, I have walked these narrow paths through sweet smelling cedar forests, with only butterflies for company and the humming sound of the mating cicadas.  Each trek threw open a new sight, a new flora or a new challenge that I managed to overcome - I have gasped, I have been breathless, my knees have hurt, my legs have got weary .....but each time, my soul lifted higher and higher....to soar above ... refusing to be weighed down by my woes... I felt I was living in ...

As I walked up this trail this afternoon, I felt my soul lifting .... Suddenly the pains, the bonds, the weight on my shoulders seemed to lift and I felt lighter.... drawn towards that blinding light....  There was not a soul in sight - it reminded me that we come into this world alone and also will leave alone, bringing nothing with us and taking nothing too. Then why do we get bothered by expectations that lead to disappointments, bonds that sometime severe, ties that cause heartache when they stretch too far?  Yes all this is bound to happen as we are but mortals - but somehow if we keep focus on that blinding light of Faith, your load is lighter and the steps stronger...  I know tomorrow, when I am back to Reality, I may trip and fall again, succumb to human follies once more, cry out again in pain, anger and frustration ...but I hope this memory of what seemed like a road to Heaven stays with me and reminds me of what is really important .... That I just have to keep...

The world around does not look like a very happy place these days. And its not just me.....I struggle to find a really happy and peaceful face as I look around. But I am not a negative person and will not be - I continue to look for my "drops of blues" - acts of kindness, compassion, love, affection that trigger happy feelings and remind me that all is not lost...yet. There is still goodness around - however scarce it may be getting. Today's post is about one of my close connects - who reminds me that life can still be beautiful.... He has taught me new meanings of "responsibility", "commitment" and "a sense of duty".... that to live for others is as important as to live for one's self... that to give, far in excess of what you receive, is a higher state of being...that its not about "maths". While I still differ with his opinions a lot, I am proud of him - of my connect with such a person.  And thankfully, there ar...

I try to keep my posts here and my thinking at all times, positive. I sincerely believe in what I write here. I try my best to live it as well. But as expected, I am, many a times, challenged with adverse situations and have no perky answer. I tend to succumb for a while, before I push myself up again..... Right now is one such phase. I am currently going through possibly my roughest patch in many many years and not really sure how I brought this on to myself ..... new battles seem to be a daily routine....and I am not sure which side of me, if any, is secure. But I am battling it out - as I refuse to give in to what I believe is wrong and unfair. And while I am pushed on to a road I would have personally avoided - though I also believe there must be a good reason why I am having to do this - the journey is pushing me more and more up the learning curve!   “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you wh...

My little one turns 17 at the stroke of midnight.... My princess takes one more step further into her young life .. And I raise my hands in solemn prayer for her, I thank my Lord for bringing her into my life, the reason I continue to breathe today ....and I pray for Him to keep holding her hand as He has stood by me, to keep her healthy and happy always - to help her become a "good" human being. This note is for you, my baby.... Dear Princess,  I love you. I always have. I always will. No matter what .... This last year, you have achieved quite a few significant milestones - I am proud of you, you should be too.  However, the last few months have brought strong winds, that have moved and changed a lot for you - you have been disappointed...hurt...dejected.... But, that, unfortunately, is Life, my love! You have to take the good along with the bad. You are an young adult now - my little Princess is gradually becoming a Queen.And as you add 1 more year to y...

Wise words by Carl Jung. Inspirational. Aspirational. And even though my wounds are still raw, I know what I want to become...I know the direction I must take. But the human mind is often frail - and I sometimes slip, I fall, I hurt again.  I empty my cup of all bitterness and negativity and look forward - then something happens and my cup of sorrow starts to swell again. I guess, Time will do what it always has - heal every wound.... but I also have my resolve by my side.  I keep building castles, yet the waves are still surprising me and a strong one still washes away my edifice, but I shall not be deterred. I refuse to give in or give up. I will keep building again, brick by brick, till I get it right and no sudden wave will be able to wash it away. I owe it to myself and to my little one, who will one day follow my path. I think it's critical that we hold on to this resolve - to be able to succeed, against all odds. Sometimes, holding on to anger, keeping that f...