It's not just enough to be with someone ....

6.05 pm : I open the door to my apartment, after a long day at work..... my daughter who opens the door every day, is not at home today. 

 I realize soon this will be my story, every day.

 However I refuse to be too saddened by this thought - more important to me is my daughter's flight and I wish her to soar high, without looking back, without any strings drawing her back.

 But on the back of that thought is another one : will I then be alone or lonely?

 Lots of things rush through my mind - loads of images, perceptions, memories, dreams, experiences..... and I really wonder..... which is the better option?

 I am generally known to be a very social person - sometimes, close friends even believe that I draw my strength from the people around; I don't always agree - because personally, I am equally comfortable with my own company or that of select people - it depends on my mood, my frame of mind. But as I grow older, and I have noticed this for a year or so, I am seeking more and more of my own company.....

 So I am fine with being alone, I rarely am lonely.....

 It's definitely a much better condition than a few others I have lived through - to be lonely amidst a lot of people, to be alone when within a relationship. 

 I have been there myself. I know a lot of people around me who are still there, too. 

 It's not nice. 

 You feel trapped and yet, it is so difficult to extricate yourself from the mesh that you have allowed yourself to get into, hoping that this entanglement will ensure you are never "alone" or "lonely". But alas! Reality is quite something else and for no one's fault maybe .... but it does leave a bitter after-taste in your mouth. And you are left with regrets. 

 Most in similar situations, do nothing much about it, apart from seeking solace in whatever means they can grab on to. 

 And if you are lucky, you make special "connects" that ensure you are never "alone"...these "connects" may not be physically with you all the time... yet you are in their thoughts and prayers, almost always ... the bond is almost invisible, unfathomable even .... and you know then that you are blessed.

I am ...
And I thank the One Above every day for it 
I am not alone, nor am I lonely


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