About Boundaries

 The Oxford dictionary meaning of this word "boundary" is "a line which marks the limits of an area, a dividing line".

I have always been a proponent of another kind - emotional boundaries - and these have not always been received well.

For some reason, boundaries seem to have a slightly negative connotation for many - focusing more on where you can't go. We seem to forget that boundaries are also about respect - for a nation, a community, a home and very importantly, for your own personal space.

We are social animals and that's how we have evolved - by doing things together, gaining in strength and gaining in power. Yet as societies evolved, especially in times of globalization, we also struggled to hold on to our individualities. The world has fast become almost a global village with a McDonald's at almost every corner. Many benefits have indeed been accrued by this breaking down of boundaries and I love it too, Yet I believe, somewhere in this journey, our identities have started to lose their authenticity. 

We as humans, have always struggled with maintaining a balance and soon this skew towards a global, almost identical, landscape reminded us more and more of our own characteristic nuances - those little things that made us who we were - our roots, our beliefs, our individualistic ways of living before McDonald's took over. Just as suddenly, we did not want to buy "Made in China" souvenirs wherever we went in the world - but searched for authentic locally made items that would remind us of the differences, not just the similarities. We want to acknowledge the geographical differences again. 

I guess this is always going to be a question : how much of differences do we enjoy and want to experience and how much you would prefer to find restaurants serving your own cuisine in those faraway lands. I have a  friend who will always look for a Saravana Bhavan ( a South Indian specialty restaurant that is popular across the globe ) whether he is in Paris or London!! I personally always prefer to try everything local whilst traveling - for me, it's a part of the whole experience of being somewhere unfamiliar and learning to appreciate the different.

How much of physical boundaries you want to respect or break is clearly a personal choice - and so is the case with emotional boundaries. 

Chalking out personal space may be a western concept - in populous places like India, it is possibly frowned upon. Yet the concept of protecting your own identity, your authentic self is today much stronger in the developing world, than in the first world.

At an individual level, I believe, we all need personal boundaries - walls around us that protect us, enable respect and show the world how we would like to be treated. We need to think long and hard about who or what will be allowed within those walls and what will need to stay outside. This is not about dividing us up, but about being true to our core selves and enabling more love and respect. 

We have mostly grown up with the notions that in relationships, atleast the close ones, there should be no boundaries. I humbly disagree. 

For me, the closest relationship is that of a mother and her child - and yes, I do believe there should be a respect for boundaries here too. For example, from the time when my daughter was a toddler and we moved her to her own bedroom, she was encouraged to knock on my bedroom's door before coming in; much later, whenever she called me at work, she was to first ask if it was convenient for me to speak to her then. And I always reciprocated the same way with her - she learnt to respect my space and acknowledge that she had her own too. I felt it added to her self - esteem - that she was just as important as anyone else. 

Closeness, to me, does not mean breaking every wall - it means allowing a person to come within your space but also recognizing that there may be times when he/she would need to take a step back - and that alignment comes out of maturity, mutual respect and understanding.. 

As I have grown older, I have got clearer on my boundaries and what / who I will allow in. And I sincerely try to do this with no judgement - just because you are not welcome in my inner circle doesn't mean you are bad, it just means we are probably not fully aligned any more -  I may still chose to have coffee with you sometime. Yet this process of mine has made me unpopular with many - I see where they are coming from and yet, I do not regret my decisions. This is who I am., unapologetically me. 

And I will continue to sponsor the concept of personal boundaries - especially for those who are in the journey of finding themselves!

"Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices"

- Gerald Manly Hopkins