When the flight is near ....
Now, I am now the mother of an adult ( and we shall not focus on how old that makes me!! ); my daughter turned 18 last week.
Till her birthday actually arrived, I was busy with preparations to make it special for my princess. I was unprepared for something else .....
When I woke up that morning, I was taken aback by a little tug I felt within, a little pain that seemed to have appeared from nowhere. I walked into my daughter's room - she was still sleeping - and the tug got stronger, the eyes welled up..... I rushed out of her room! I sat down to wonder what happened? I had woken up with no sad feelings, then why couldn't I hold back the tears?
A little while later, as I sipped my coffee and pulled myself back together, I realized what this was all about ..... my soul was reminding me that I was THERE!!!!! That point in every parent's life when the long letting go begins.....
And it registered only that morning ... that despite being an integral part of planning her future, of helping her draft the roadmap, part of me was still in a way, unprepared for her flight, that part possibly never will...
It's a very strange feeling, I must say. And I think only another parent who has been there, will get it....
On one hand, you want the best for them, you are happy to prepare them in every way possible for this flight, you want them to fly high and happy; yet, on the other hand, the umbilical chord is being stretched .... to a point where it will soon tear......and it hurts so much you can hardly hold back the tears.
You are very happy and you are also very sad.
I wonder if there is any one word that can encapsulate those 2 contradictory emotions together. I doubt it. But it is a reality.... it's exactly the way you feel.
A friend who is in the same boat recently posted about the Empty Nest syndrome on FB..... and I knew it's not only me, it's not the first time nor will it be the last. It's all a part of the circle of life - it's the way it should be.
Yet the tug remains ...as I started preparing for her visa application this morning, and bought the flight ticket that would take her miles and miles away.
And when I got overwhelmed, I looked up to the One Above - as I always do during times when I feel weak - and I prayed.... for courage, for strength that I know I will need from now on.
I have always believed in what Kahlil Gibran has said - I know she is not only my child but also Life's longing for itself, that she has her own roads to make, her own journey to experience and for that she must go. And I wish her every success. I will watch with pride as she soars above on her own .....and I will wait till when she wants to come back again, if only for a while....
But I know for this I will need courage and I will need strength.
Letting go of something that you cared for but hurt you is difficult enough.... letting go of what matters the most to you, is entwined in your very existence with bonds of love is much tougher.
That's why I prayed .... to my Shepherd ...to steady my heart when it wobbles, as I know it will.
May my voice not crack when I say to my Princess....
We've just got to hang in there till then, believing in our children, giving them all the space and support they need as they adjust to the new chapters in their lives .........and gradually the tugs will not hurt so much, I guess.
It's going to be ok.
Comments
Post a Comment