What do I know for sure?

 I think all of us will remember this year for a very long time - probably for as long as we live. So many things have changed for most of us. Deeper questions have unravelled in many of our journeys and not many of us have any answers or even clues. We just don't seem to know anymore! 

Now that makes us humans, uncomfortable. We like to know and we have been spoiled to believe we control far more than we actually do. Hence the build-up of angst in many quarters - we are in unfamiliar territory and we don't like it at all.

Just before the Covid lockdown, a dear friend gifted me with a book by Oprah Winfrey - "What I know for sure." And I started reading it during the countless days when I was home alone - staring out at a clueless world that had been brought to a grinding halt.

This is the first time I read a book by Oprah and the theme resonated deeply. 

In these uncertain times, when the fundamentals of all we knew, have been so rudely shaken and for so long - what knowledge, if any, still remained strong and secure within me? 

For me, 2020 was to be a year of transition - I left my job mid year, planned to relocate back to India and start doing new things with my life - focussing on service and gratitude. That was my intention, my roadmap. 

We all had our plans, didn't we? And then the virus released its fury........... and all our plans went flying! 

As for me, I am still in the desert that I had wished to leave. Most of my plans for the new chapter have been stalled. My transition has been interrupted and I am having to open up to new ways of living for the past few months. But it's not all gloom at all. After years of denying myself, I have started new deep relationships - I have a new pup that has filled my heart with love once again and changed my entire life; I am rebuilding old relationships that I didn't think I ever would; I am focussing on hobbies that are bringing immense pleasure. But all this is going with the flow and making the most of it.

In the midst of this journey, was there anything I still remained sure of ? 

I had to think really long and hard.

And I realized :

I know for sure that my Shepherd has a plan for me (and everyone else) although clearly it is different from what I had envisaged.

I know for sure that I am immensely grateful for where I am and all I am receiving, even if I had plans for other stuff

I know for sure that despite all that's been happening, my faith in Him remains undeterred 

So I have adjusted ..... I have become more open to receive things I never expected ..... I have shifted focus and am seeking new pleasures from things I can still control (and there are still so many) 

Every day as I watch the glorious sunrise from my balcony with my 12 week old pup, I bow my head in gratitude and lift my arms in prayer for all those finding this adjustment difficult, for all of us to be able to stop looking back and accept the new tomorrow with Hope and Belief.


"Barn's burnt down / now i can see the moon." 

- Mizuta Masahide (17th century Japanese poet)



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Those lazy, hazy days of summer

Image
Today marks the end of my summer of 2024. Not because it's any special day in the calendar but simply because I have marked it so. ( These days, I mostly do as I please! )  Today I do nothing but simply look back.... I am not a fan of summers normally - especially given that I have been based in a sandpit for the last 20 odd years. Like most of us expats who live here in the Middle East, I have always found summers a good time to escape - either travel  back to India or to visit other countries that have, or used to have, cooler temperatures.  This year, I stayed put, mostly :) And it was different.  Yes, it was very hot and one had to stay indoors almost all the time but there was a sense of quiet and peace in and around Dubai that I quite enjoyed. Over the last 2 months, almost every expat had left the country, there were less cars, less traffic, less noise, empty malls and restaurants and generally a sense of slowing down every where. Even less socializing! So one...
Read more

About drawing lines

Image
As the years pass by, I realize, more and more, the importance of drawing lines. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The world is divisive enough on its own - some may say do we really need more boundaries between us?  The answer to this question could be debated. Yet, I have always been a fan of personal spaces - a concept alien to most Asians, definitely Indians! For me, it's linked to giving another human being the respect he/she deserves and ensuring that I have the same - the space to breathe free, to think without any pressures, to decide on my own. I tend to feel claustrophobic and uncomfortable, otherwise.  However, growing up - especially in my twenties and thirties, I did prioritize on "belonging" - to many groups and communities, for both personal and professional reasons. My circles grew so large that by the time I was in my mid forties, I again felt the need to set some controls once again - ...
Read more

I hope you are doing fine, Ma!

Image
Ma, It's been a while since I have heard from you .... You have gone too far, I guess. Life has taken over, generally, pulling me along with its usual ups and downs. Truth be said, I am not really sad - you lived a full life and I have let go... But I still think of you a lot, almost every day. I think of you and your opinions on all that is going on in my life - and I know a lot of those opinions may have even been disapproving....yet, I miss them - sorely. I wonder how you are doing....  How is this place you have gone too?  Is it as peaceful as they say it should be.... have you found "eternal peace'? Have you met those who had left before you? Has there been some kind of a happy reunion of sorts up there? Knowing you, are you settling scores? Are you ruffling feathers there as you often did here? Do you miss me? Do you miss my daughter? Can you see us? Do you sometimes feel like coming back just to say one more thing, hug us one more time? Or even repr...
Read more