About drawing lines

As the years pass by, I realize, more and more, the importance of drawing lines.

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The world is divisive enough on its own - some may say do we really need more boundaries between us? 

The answer to this question could be debated. Yet, I have always been a fan of personal spaces - a concept alien to most Asians, definitely Indians! For me, it's linked to giving another human being the respect he/she deserves and ensuring that I have the same - the space to breathe free, to think without any pressures, to decide on my own. I tend to feel claustrophobic and uncomfortable, otherwise. 

However, growing up - especially in my twenties and thirties, I did prioritize on "belonging" - to many groups and communities, for both personal and professional reasons. My circles grew so large that by the time I was in my mid forties, I again felt the need to set some controls once again - and I started drawing lines again. 

I guess this is common to many - as we progress from one stage of our lives to another, we get to decide on how big or restricted we want our worlds to be (as I had mentioned in my Jan 2024 blogpost) 

As I approached my 50s, one of the first things I decided to keep out of my circle was anything and anyone negative or toxic - I was so done with it and realized gradually that proximity to some situations and some people only drained my energy. Slowly and steadily, I started removing myself from these spaces. I took care to "be there" for someone going through rough times - but if I found my support was not moving the dial or worse, being unheeded, I knew it was time for me to walk. It did not necessarily make me think bad of that person; instead I just felt it was not my space anymore. 

I prioritized myself - my sanity, my wellness. I drew lines and my circle because smaller but better, qualitatively. 

Too many times, we allow ourselves to continue in situations, in relationships that do not work for us or worse still, disrespect us. Walking away is perhaps construed as rude, even selfish. Setting boundaries seem uncomfortable. True, I get that - but I also believe that if I am in a space that makes me feel bad / small, how can I contribute to the wellbeing of any other soul from there? Hence, I have learnt to give myself the respect I deserve, the space I deserve and the right to walk away from anything dragging me down. 

Yes this is about me, but it is also about recalibrating my own needs, wants and desires. And that's another kind of line I have learnt to draw, in more recent times. 

Needs are basic and common to all, mostly. But who decides the demarkation between your wants and your desires? Who can say this is enough - you really don't need more? Only you! 

This one, I have realized, is much more difficult because this is about you looking inward, honestly, brutally. And I have had too address this more and more in my fifties! I have understood that one needs to balance the trade offs if one is seeking inner peace and wellness. Life gets us used to material things that we believe bring us security and happiness and we need more and more of them. It's a trap - as the bar just gets raised each time we reach milestones and the list of wants keep growing. We are willing to take on more, to sacrifice more for the sake of these wants, these "must-haves" and in the process, we lose our health, our relationships and our peace of mind. 

It takes a lot to be able to draw that line that says I have enough - as a human, I may desire some more, but I acknowledge that I do not need it. 

I understand that it takes all kinds to make this world - and for some, this is definitely not the desired school of thought. And that's ok too - who am I to judge? As long as they are happy with their life choices, I am happy for them. As for me, I continue to learn about what truly matters to me and what brings me more Peace, Love and Happiness. And I continue to draw my lines.....