My friendship circle has changed a bit .......

Forgive and forget! 

 That's what I was taught in convent school - since I was a little child. 

 This one has always perplexed me - sometimes I forgive, truly, from the heart - but somehow, I have never been able to forget....

 And I am also not sure whether one should really "forget" .... yes, I agree you cannot leave a wound raw... and even if you did, Nature will heal it for you, to an extent, over time. But should you really forget what caused that wound? Why you felt that pain? If one was to forget - one would have to go through the learning curve yet again.....is that ideal?

 It's like if the candlelight singed my finger, I would now know that I should not play with fire again - and that should decide my future course of action when it comes to anything related to fire. If I "forgot" this experience, I would do it again and feel the pain, right??

 I am all for learning and moving on..... but completely "forgetting" ....not so sure, really! This piece has always been something I have struggled with..... have always questioned ....and I still do. 

 During the recent months, I have seen a lot happening around me, been through a lot, and have done my best to rise about the storm or lie low, holding on to my baby on my hand and to my Shepherd on the other. 

 I have survived. Thank God. I am still living...laughing....loving.

 And a large part of this is also due to my friends - my special connects, my blessings from above that today take the place of my family..... they have put like an invisible mesh around me that protects, safeguards, comforts. And I thank the Lord every day for these "connects".

 However, I have also learnt to be more careful these days, with the word "friends" .....

 People who know me will agree that I am by nature, "friendly" and I sincerely enjoy meeting and walking with people  from all walks of life. I make connections easily, I can galvanize groups, do fun stuff, stand by in times of their troubles - so it's easy for people to assume that I make "friends" very easily. I am considered "easy-going".

 But what people sometimes miss is that I have really high standards for people I call my "friends" - its kind of an elitist group - my "inner circle" - that I don't allow people into, very easily - however much I connect with them, otherwise.

 And my recent past has reinforced this belief of mine - that not all of my "friends" are really my "inner circle".

 Life always has a way of showing you what really counts, who really matters..... and I am thankful, I am still learning.


I now know of people who used to be in touch almost every day and lately are not, for whatever reason, and there is awkwardness when we occasionally meet - they are not my friends.

 I now know of people who loved my high spirits, my fun loving, event planning side and who stuck to me then, because they wanted to enjoy the ride, but who disappeared when the storm clouds gathered and the strong winds blew the "fun factor" out of my life for a while - they are not my friends.

 I know of people that stood on the fence while I fought, rightly or wrongly, and then made feeble attempts to reconnect, pretending nothing has really changed - they are not my friends.

 Not anymore. I have decided I will forgive. But I will possibly never be able to forget.......

 However, that does not make me sad - not at all; I just feel cleansed. Truly.

 I now know who fit into my "inner circle" and I hold them closer to my chest, while I open my arms to all that is new. And the world is indeed a very large place, full of many wonderful people that I still don't know.

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