Scars ...... and Healing .....

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

Khalil Gibran

Scars ....

As I look around these days, I see a lot of people with scars - real and perceived, big and small, healed or hidden - and I see the struggles that most of them go through to deal with these.

I have had my fair share of these. Maybe that's why I see this more clearly now ...

I understand now that to be able to bring peace within, to live in the moment, to be happy, these scars  need to be healed. 

And that's the real test of mental strength. That's what these "massive characters" Khalil refers to, have managed to achieve. It's not easy. Especially if the scars have been life shattering. If they hurt to even acknowledge them. But that's the only route - of that, I am certain. There is absolutely no other way... 

Carrying them to your grave doesn't make them go away either .... it could still come back....


Healing ....

We all want to heal. To be able to put the past behind us and get on with our lives. But do we do what that entails? For those of us that are unable to find that peace or solace, that ability to live today, maybe this introspection is absolutely critical.

I believe the first part to healing is the most difficult.... and yet most critical....it's acknowledging your scars. Removing the bandages, whatever your mind uses to camouflage it, the filters in your perceptions - to look deeply at the scar. Like it was a physical wound. I have seen this is excruciating for many, too painful to reopen and sweeping under the carpet seems like a much better option. Hoping Time will take care of it. But this is where it differs from a physical wound. Yes, time does its bit but your psyche does not allow a complete recovery - its a conversation you haven't had with yourself and the subconscious mind does not allow you to forget - it finds ways of manifesting itself, of reminding you time and time again - it does not simply go away.

This phase takes a lot of courage and some times, external support. It is painful, but without this, healing is impossible. 

It's a bit like when I recently looked at my dear ones, when they suddenly decided to step out of this world into a happier place. Forcing myself to see them lying in a way I have never seen them before, in a way I never wanted to see them required a lot of steeling of nerves, a lot of courage not to cling on and say - No, please don't go, I still need you. Instead I had to face reality and come to terms with the fact that they were physically gone. It takes courage and sometimes, support, some comfort around that helps you stand when you'd rather crumble and fall.

So, you have to look at them - acknowledge that's reality, however distant, however discreet. Take help, but do it. 

Then the next step - you have to understand what that scar has done to you, its impact on your life.

Sometimes, we tend to hold on to painful memories that were never in our control anyways, and that impairs our vision of today. We don't let go ...not because we can't ...but because we don't try to - it feels either too strong, or it feels wrong. On the contrary, we actually do stuff that keep the hurt alive. Then how do we expect to heal? 

Again, this may at times need external help - or you may be able to shut yourself up, introspect and figure it out. Understand what was your role, if any, in bringing it about. What can you do now to get closure? But you must understand the full impact of that scar on your today ...and your tomorrow.... I believe this is easier if you have been honest in the first step. No human likes to bleed, forever. We would like it to stop, but we sometimes can't figure out how.....

Once, we see the scar as it is, we know the impact it is having on our lives, the rest is a lot easier..... figuring out how to overcome, to learn to let go....not to a point that we forget its existence, but to be free from its negative influence, to learn and move on.... 

I possibly make it sound simplistic. 
It is and it isn't. 
It is simple - in that there really is no other way. 
It isn't - because of the emotions attached and that's difficult to deal with. 

But that's where I have found it helps when you do the following:
- remind yourself day after day that you want to be healed
- convince yourself that despite appearances, it is within your control and only you can do it
- find something that keeps encouraging you to be brave, that encourages you to look forward happily
- give yourself as much time as possible, but don't lose momentum. It's easy to slip back.
- love yourself deeply, wildly, passionately - without this, healing is next to impossible.

We all can heal - that's Life's way, that's what the One Above wishes for us - but we have to be open, to be cognizant....

Thankfully, I see so many around me battle their scars and come out strong and victorious. 
Kudos to you all.
To those still on this journey, keep going, it's going to be fine. You will find your way out and only you can do it. Be gentle on yourself and keep going. 
Kudos to your courage too. 

I share 2 of my favorite quotes that have helped me tremendously when I embarked on this journey - I hope it resonates with you too :

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” 

― Rumi

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don’t need the medication, I will love you, too. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love