Of building and breaking ....

I am sure we have all learnt something this year - good, bad or ugly. 

So much has changed - some we were able to manage and some not at all. Yet the year has listened to no one..... like tsunami, it has crashed on our unprepared shores and created a lot of deep wreckage, some that probably can be restored / revived and a lot that has changed forever. 

One of my many learnings this year has been this : 

We spent most of our lifetime building bridges and then either breaking them or having to walk away. Only a handful, if at all, of the bridges we built in our lifetime, remain unchanged ..... 

And I don't mean this in a negative manner, I say it as it is - the way Nature and Life intended it to be, perhaps. 

One of my recent joys has been gardening, though I have the smallest of space to use. Yet, each morning, I rush to my balcony to see which buds have bloomed and which flower has wilted overnight. Both fill my heart. A little bud sparks hope in me - of something beautiful coming soon. The bloom brings with it unadulterated happiness.... whilst it lasts. And then it's over, and the wilting petals nudge me to let go, but with the knowledge that there will be more blooms, more smiles just round the corner. And this cycle goes on..... 

I wonder if this cycle, this eternal rhythm, is indeed the essence of Life? 

Do we suffer because we first expect too much from the little bud, then get too attached to the flower and finally come crashing down when the flower is no more? 

What are the lessons Nature & Life is trying to teach us, repeatedly? 

Let's take our kids - our most precious connects (mostly, apart from when you want to kill them yourselves!!!). We spent years trying to help these little ones find their feet, walk and then fly - totally involved in the process. And then it's time for them to go.... and rightfully so... but it leaves us breathless and sometimes without a life purpose / meaning. We all know about empty nesters; thankfully a lot of us learn over the years to manage ourselves, but that does not take away the heartbreak when you need to walk away from this bridge or stand in the sidelines and watch. 

A friend reminded me this morning of one of my favorite Gibran quotes : 

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

The point remains, that we build solid unshakeable bridges and then we ourselves, have to gently step aside and watch from afar. That's the way it should be....

Let's look at our other connects, our relationships ..... do they always remain the same? Very unlikely, I'd say -  they also go through similar cycles..... but sometimes we get so caught at the different stages, we end up hurt and heaving when the subtle balance shifts / changes. 

Our parents - the ones that shaped our childhoods ...... our world comprised of them and only them at one point; and then our horizons broadened and whilst they may have remained anchors, we did move on to other shores ...to build new bridges .... as we are meant to! A lot of us had to walk away from this bridge over the years though we may have kept looking over our shoulders to see them standing at the sidelines, to make sure they were ok and to reassure them that all they needed to do was call, whenever required and we would be there. For many, the bonds got frayed due to misaligned expectations; others struggled to balance and needed to trade off to keep things going; some got lucky with very understanding parents. Bottom line is - the connects changed; that once unshakeable bridge was probably not used as much as before. And then suddenly one day, it wasn't there. Our eyes well up with memories and we have to let go. That once unshakeable bridge is soon abandoned, forgotten..... again, that's the cycle of Life..... 

That very same cycle, the rhythm remains the same when we make new connections, build new relationships, allow new people into our intimate circles. The bonds develop and it's beautiful, exciting; they blossom and bring us so much joy that we expect them to continue this way, always and forever. Then Life happens, sometimes things go southwards and our walls come crashing. We hurt. We break. The bridges we had lovingly built are bombed as if in war. Thankfully, it's not always so theatrical! Sometimes, the same 2 people just grow in different zones and start using that once beatific bridge sparingly, choosing however not to break. Some call it compromise, some call it Life. 

And through et all, Life continues and somehow we continue building and breaking .... 

The Bhagwad Gita recommends detachment and Lord Krishna tells Arjuna that acting with detachment means doing the right thing for its own sake, because it needs to be done, without thoughts of success and failure. 

T.S. Eliot wrote : " For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. 

But if only it was easier to build without attachment ..... 

However, as I grow older, I am learning that it is the only way. I am learning to just be part of the process ... to truly enjoy the blooms I see now ...... to let go of what no longer is. I am learning that this rhythmic cycle has always been there and will be, for time immemorial. I will have to learn to adjust my sails if I don't want to be washed away. 

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. 

Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow.

Let reality be reality. 

Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."

- Lao Tzu

Peace and strength to all who are coping with pain due to bridges built ...... there will be more blooms, new bridges, more smiles round the corner 

<3