Change Ahead!

7:15 pm
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Dubai
I am back home after a long day at work. As I complete my usual chores upon return and settle into the living room couch this evening, I sense a change.... an impending life change coming my way. 

Tick tock tick tock ......The cuckoo clock seems so much louder today; most days, I hardly notice it.... 

The apartment suddenly seems much larger than my needs.....reminding me that I really must consider moving...soon...

There are many things that I have to do, many distractions that would keep me occupied if I allowed it to. But my body refuses to play ball. My soul wants only to brace itself for what lies ahead.

I know what's around the bend. I have made a choice. And yet, as the time creeps closer, my heart beats a little faster, my eyes fill up at the slightest excuse, my soul wants to hold on a little tighter before letting go.....and I sense a numbness sneaking in....into my being....as if in preparation for the emotional roller coaster ahead.

Life changes ..... either come in unannounced, as happened with me a year back - harsh, relentless and real. Or they come as your own choices... that you are prepared for, that you want .... and yet never really fathom how much they will impact, until they stare at you in the face.

The river of Life flows on ....irrespective.... on its course.....

And I believe that somewhere, deep within us, we all have it in us to cope, to adapt, to live on .... our gut, our soul knows what best to do. It's intrinsic to human nature. The important thing is not to fight or resist these changes - but when is that ever easy??? 

As I soak in the emptiness around me this evening (btw, my daughter's only gone for a sleepover tonight - I still have 3 weeks before she boards that flight!!!) I ponder over what has helped me deal with my life changes so far ..... I lay back and listen to my restless spirit .... it always seems to know better.

The first thing my soul tells me tonight is to calm those nerves that are getting taut, to rope in those emotions that promise to play havoc, and to tone down immediate reactions. 
"It's not going to be fun-times, hun, let's face it. So let's take it down a couple of notches." 
Yeah, let's....

When such life changes are the results of personal choices, you have to make a conscious decision to deal with them - as best as you can; to look beyond the immediate discomfort of having to deal with something new and unfamiliar, to focus on why you made the choice in the first place. And... if you really can't see that far or your fears and insecurities are surfacing like bubbles in boiling water, don't look at all - not at the near (as that will sadden you more) nor at the distant (as your tears make it all hazy for now). Just don't look at all! Close your eyes and simply breathe. Numb out all emotions for a while. Simply focus on just being where you are. It's like you have voluntarily jumped into a pool of chilled water....it's uncomfortable as Hell ( hello, what did you expect??!! )....but just stay still, feel the cold numb your senses.....stay put, resist the urge to jump out.....and soon, by the laws of science, your body will begin to get used to it.....and you will be able to move...again. 

That river of Life will take over gradually ..... it always does... just give it time.....till then, let your body loose and as they say, go with the flow.

The second thing I hear my gut tell me today is not to move into denial, when faced with change - though that's very easy to do; to not distract yourself so much with other people and / or activities that you pretend nothing has changed or that it will soon be "alright".
"She has taken flight as she should, as you wanted her to - so don't focus on how many days before she is back under your roof again; even when she does come home,as she soon will, it will be different, as it is meant to be."
Yes, she will back ...in about 2.5 months ...but never quite the same way....

My recent brushes with life changes have taught me that one of the best ways to cope is to be completely honest with one's self, and ...as soon as possible. To  internalize that situations have changed, whether you wanted them to or not. That they will not go back to what existed before. You have been pushed out of your comfort zone - either by choice or by Fate. Don't fool yourself or allow others to fool you into believing that the next comfort zone is just around the bend - it rarely is. You have to allow Life to take its own course and make your own choices and gradually your choices will create a new comfort zone. But it's not around the corner and will not come to you as manna from above! It will come for sure, but in due time....

Fighting the winds of change is like trying to swim against the tide ...in the river of Life. Accept that the gush of the river will take you to a place that will be different for sure - but may actually be better for you.Surge ahead with faith and belief in a better tomorrow.


Yes, I am overwhelmed today - as are many who have been here before me and many who will be here, after me. Yes, I will lament in a short while. But yes, I have realized today that I will also cope and manage to stand tall again.....

Tick tock tick tock ....the clock still seems loud.... but my angst is less, the malaise lowers as my spirit shows me the way ....



It's going to be a new journey, once again ....and I just need hold still for a while, then fasten my seat belt and enjoy the ride <3

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