21 years of my most important job

And I learnt  ….

A young friend recently wrote beautifully about her experience as a tired but happy mom of 1 year old twins - she inspired me to think of where I stand on my motherhood journey, given that my daughter is soon to be 21 and technically could even have her own little one, should she chose too!!!! 

It’s been a long road and if I look back, one that I am most proud of. Not because I have done it “right” - who’s to say that anyways? - but because for the last 21 years it has been the fulcrum around which all of my life decisions have revolved. 

I firmly believe there is no single road to Rome and each mother does her best, only because she cares, so much. 

At the risk of stereotyping, I will say, women don the cape of motherhood very naturally - nature and evolution have given us enough reasons to. A mother is a mother - irrespective of where she stands in the world, or within the society, or in her journey through life. There are many endearing and many annoying facets that just bond us moms, oblivious to where we come from and where we are headed.  Ask any kid!!! You’ll have to tell them to stop, beyond a point !!!

What interests me is how fast we learn to adapt to our role as the parent, the nurturer, the provider as we move along through life. 

My journey as mom has been one of the most fulfilling relationship in my 50 years of walking this planet. And if there’s one key word that strikes out to summarize the ride - it would be “learning”. Now that I say it, it does seem weird that as a parent, I was the one learning all the way - shouldn’t it be that I just knew and was actually teaching her instead? Hmmmmm!!!!  And I think long and hard about it. And yet I go back to the same emotion, the biggest part of my motherhood has indeed been “learning” …… allow me to explain……

Despite all the books you may have read up and all the advise you had stocked up before these little feet walked right into your heart and homes, I believe nothing quite prepares you for this roller coaster of a ride. And what a ride!!! Phew!

And as you keep going, you keep understanding what works, and what doesn't, what works better and what doesn’t fly at all. All of this is very individualistic to your relationship with your little one(s). 

You learn when to be protective, and when you must let them lose to fluff out their features and attempt to fly …
You learn when to be a disciplinarian and when you must soften the guard and try and become a friend or a sounding board ….
You learn when to guide and when to sit back and allow them to enlighten  you about something you have no idea about …..
You learn when to demand, when to request and when to expect nothing ……
You learn when to hold their hands and when to wave goodbye and watch as they walk away into their sunsets ……

You learn, at every step, and the faster you do, the easier and more fulfilling the ride. Your agility at shifting gears determine your closeness to these young guns.

And I have learnt, soaked it in over the last 21 years and still eager for more. 
Each stage of her life has taught me something about her and equally importantly, something about me. And I have opened myself to the experience, including admitting to those times when I got it wrong . 

Today I stand taller because of her. 
For 21 years, that special connect has made every decision of my life easier to make. For the focus was clear. 

Life’s unpredictable - surprises, pleasant and otherwise, seem to be lurking around every nook and corner. And I am proud that while I may not have been able to leave behind a much better earth for her, but I definitely will leave behind a better soul for the planet. 

I think as mothers, as parents, that is one of our biggest responsibilities towards our kids and towards the community that will survive us. 

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