Meira's Memoirs / Chapter 2 / The Empty Nest

 2015 : the year my daughter was to complete high school and go into college. 

A big milestone for both of us - the reason why I had to normalize her landscape as much as possible, despite many setbacks in 2014. Many considerations and factors were brought to the table and we spoke endlessly about what worked best, finally we agreed that sending her away from Dubai was probably the best for her and I was face to face with the daunting concept of soon being an empty nester. Definitely not an easy choice, given what I was personally going through. 

However, going through this process, I learnt a major parenting skill - putting the interests of your little one ahead of yours. Now most parents will say that this is what they always do, but too many times, I have noticed that it is a camouflage for what we believe their "best interests" are ..... not necessarily what the child concurs with or even wants. 

And once again, travel helped me make a decision - where will I leave my daughter for the next 3 years? 

Extract from Meira's Memoirs - April 2015 

"It was almost time. For the little bird to leave the nest.   I had spent the last ten months trying to steady the ship, so that she could launch into her flight. Despite having lost almost all my immediate family, I felt this was the right thing to do - to send her away to follow her dreams.

She had been keen on doing her graduation in UK and had really worked hard, despite the troubled times we found ourselves in. Keeping her in the same geography, I felt, would not allow her to move ahead with her life, to look beyond the disappointments and angst she obviously felt. 

She applied and got accepted into 5 top UK universities; I decided to go see them all before we decided where would her home be for the next 3 years. 

And the clear blue sky of this beautiful English village made the decision so easy for us. 

One of the most difficult parts of parenting, I have realized, is being truly selfless. Whilst we are expected to have only the best interests of our child in our minds, I have seen far too many examples of how parents use only prisms that work for them to decide on what’s best for their little ones. Too often we pass on our dreams, regrets, even  fears on to our kids, carefully camouflaged as wisdom / experience or a “we-know-whats-best-for-you” attitude.

To parents of young guns preparing to fly, I say, be open to what your kids want to do, even if you wish otherwise. Explore their options with as much diligence as you do yours. Listen to their desires and convictions and who knows, you could get hooked too!

Theirs is a very different world to the one we grew up in. They are different people, not just extensions of ourselves. Learn to acknowledge, even appreciate that difference. It's not easy, and needs constant reminder; but the outcome, once successful, is beautiful. You will then, no longer, be just a parent, but someone far more closer to your teenager - a relationship you will treasure for the rest of your life. 

And so we allowed the beautiful landscapes of this quaint North England village win us over. Durham was going to be her home for the next 3 years. I knew, from the moment I alighted from the train into this rustic locale that living amidst such natural beauty could only heal her wounds and help her put behind all the  recent unpleasant memories. 

Yet, when I held her for one last time before returning alone, all my maternal fears and doubts choked me and I wobbled, real bad. I know so did she. But we held up strong -  it was what we wanted for both of us and for the next 3 years, a proud mom watched, from a distance, her little one transform to a confident young woman.

My little birdie had begun her own independent flight......