When people disappoint you ...

and they will.... rarely have I met a person who has walked through life without being hurt by someone else! It is almost natural and primarily because we as humans, E.X.P.E.C.T. 

Thankfully there are also people who will surprise you with their random acts of kindness and support. But this is not maths and I believe the cut from someone close goes deeper.

In the course of my life, I have had my fair share of disappointments - some of them really shook my world - but in recent years, I have learnt to deal with such things and eventually look beyond and that's what I wanted to share with you all today. 

The first part of disappointment is to acknowledge it - even identifying exactly which part of his/her action hurt you the most. This is an important first step! 

The mind naturally then races to the second part - why? why did he/she behave this way? This is the beginning of the most meaningless conversation you can have with yourself. This post-mortem will get you absolutely nowhere, instead it will keep you where it continues to hurt.

The reason I say this is because only the wearer of the shoe knows where the shoe pinches; I may have a whole list of probable reasons, I may know a lot about the circumstances, I may even know the other person pretty well but I will never know the real trigger or his/her perspective. This is stuff that probably joint therapy may be able to bring to the surface - but other than that, I really do not know. Hence any post mortem is one-sided and quite a waste of time. Instead, it could be more frustrating, continue to hurt for longer and be far more damaging than required. 

People do what they do for reasons best known to them. If their actions / behavior hurts you, you need to take care of yourself - that's your primary responsibility. Acknowledge what happened and move quickly to how you can heal. Painting the other person darker or hitting back or trying to validate yourself with others - none of this will help you move forward, infact will keep you in a place that will continue to generate negativity. 

Your wellbeing is your responsibility - we need to always remember this. And for the sake of your mental peace, it's best to start looking beyond - starting with distracting yourself and faking it till you actually are able to put this behind you. Think about what matters most at this point - revenge / answers / your peace of mind? 

When you are younger, the first 2 may even make more sense but as your personal journey progresses, you tend to realize what matters most lies within and hence jumping to knee -jerk reactions may not be a great plan. 

But how can we look beyond, quickly?

• distract yourself with other things - lie low or move to other circles, distance yourself from the toxic space
• ask people around not to bring up the matter or comment on it - just don't talk about it, even when baited
• go all out to take care of yourself - spa, pamper, retail therapy, me time, reading, music, walks, whatever works for you and brings you warmth

and after a bit of time

• acknowledge what happened and decide how best to deal with the person going forward - should you try and sit down and talk it out? or simply avoid him/her in the immediate future? or be cordial without giving too much of yourself? or be the larger person and simply move on? Once the heat has blow over, you will know what is best for you! Listen to your gut.

Another thing, Life has taught me about disappointments is its strong links to our own expectations - especially from those we love and are close to. Expectations are built inside our heads, pretty much in silos; but they have people involved, people whom we don't control or even influence a lot. Hence it is but natural to have some gaps between our expectations and people's behavior - however close they are. And then disappointment is the rogue that fills in those gaps! 

This is a natural life process - some manage it well, some struggle, some learn to cope, some never do. 

Every time I have faced disappointments from those I cared for, I have alerted my coping mechanisms to put on the above mentioned prisms and they have worked. 

I have learnt to look at my  disappointing chapters in hindsight with humor - to laugh at my own mistakes (and there have been many)

I have learnt to walk away where toxicity prevails. 

I have learnt to remain in some circles with a self protective buffer.

Above all, I have learnt to focus on my inner peace and on what I want from my life, now and going forward.

Nobody ain't messing with that no more :)