For the restless spirit!

Today I am 47..... fast approaching 50!!! Phew! As I look back at my last birthday - I see a lot has changed.... far more than I could have imagined back then....Life and I have been in the boxing ring, it seems, and I have been knocked out a couple of times....the wind has been blown out of my lungs... it's been exhausting, truly. Yet, as I stand today, I feel blessed ..... and..... loved.....still. For every fall I have had, God has given me a hand to hold, to help me up again. My spirits have sagged many a time, but have never been defeated....and each time I was weighed down by my circumstances, something or someone lifted my drooping shoulders and I have managed to smile again.... As I see my daughter stand tall and firm beside me, despite all the storms around us ..... I feel blessed ... As my "connects" reach out and embrace me, their love and warmth melts my soul and I feel blessed ...again... As I receive loving messages and calls from across the glo...

The road is long and the sun is scorching The journey yet, has to be made Places to go, milestones to reach The lonely traveler sometime faces defeat. And then suddenly it looms ahead, a tree, a bit of shade It brings a bit of spring back to the tired feet Like a mother, waiting for her tired children The tree coaxes the traveller to rest a bit, put the feet up The heavy trunk relieves the tired shoulders As the traveler rests for a while and recuperates  The branches provide a warm shelter from the blazing sun His eyes close as it would in a warm embrace. The traveler finds a few moments of solace; he lets go of himself in the warmth of that embrace. He is in peace....for a while. But after a brief slumber, he jumps to his feet He has miles to go; he remembers, his promises to keep Some kind of raw energy seems to have soaked into him  This bit of shade has prepared him for his journey again And he carries on.... with one last look at the solitary tree ...

As I enter the month I will celebrate my 47th birthday, I celebrate myself ..... Birthdays have always been special to me - mine and those of my "connects" - always a reason to celebrate Life, of simply being and being blessed in so many ways. I have never missed a chance to spoil myself on my birthday - I am usually the first to buy myself a birthday gift .... as I have done this year too :)  I am important to me and I think I am pretty proud of some parts of me.... and somehow this gives me strength more and more, propels me ahead, despite all winds that blow against me. My school of thought has always been that if you don't love or respect yourself, no one else will.It's not about arrogance or conceit, as some around me see it as; it's about understanding who you are, changing what you don't like, if you can, being proud of what remains and being comfortable in your own skin. I truly believe that!  And I think it is important for anyone who ...

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C. S. Lewis My favorite quote these days - as the eternal dreamer in me fluffs out her wings, after a rather long wet spell, readying herself for yet another new flight into the unknown - not knowing where it will lead her, but ready to enjoy the soaring heights, the journey and confident that it will lead towards a happier, brighter place, towards new goals.... I have realized that most of the times that we get upset, disappointed, hurt - it's because we expect things to go a particular way, relationships to continue in a particular fashion...we have decided how it's supposed to be, and when it falls short of our expectations, we wail, we wince, we recoil.  Then our defense mechanisms step in and we try and sound wiser - maybe it wasn't meant to be...maybe it's best for all concerned....we take refuge in borrowed wisdom, in wine or even in portraying ourselves as martyrs ....  I think it...

“You make yourself strong because it's expected of you. You become confident because someone beside you is unsure. You turn into the person others need you to be.” Today I feel like this ...... like I am actually becoming the person others expect me to me .... strong, mature, understanding, positive, brave...... all good stuff .... but guess what? I hate it! I hate it, for now. I am tired of listening to people, well-wishers all I am sure, tell me how well I am doing and how much mental strength I am showing. Truly tired.  Today, all I want to do is scream, shout out loud till my lungs hurt, cry so much that my tears run dry, kick something so hard that my foot hurts....... I want to vent, to grieve, to mourn, to crumble and fall. I want someone to hold me and say it's going to be ok. And I know it will, yet I am looking for this reassurance, today. I wonder why?  I guess I am a bit tired.... but surely it's ok to feel this way?  I am restless again, ...

Jan 4, 2014 : My mom passed away. Aug 8, 2014 : My dad passed away. May they rest in eternal peace. At the age I am in, losing a parent is only to be expected, something one must be prepared for - it's life's natural process. The Circle of Life. Yet, when it happens, we feel a void....irrespective of how old we are or how distant. And that void stays.... When you lose both in such a short span as I did recently, it leaves a kind of numbness.... that refuses to go away. Suddenly, a lot of things seemed to have changed for me, as I landed in my hometown to perform the final rites for my dad earlier this week. "Home" didn't quite feel like "home - and it was very disconcerting. I fought back tears as I stood in the immigration queues for my phone would no longer ring - as it always did - to ensure I had landed safely. I was mentally prepared for my father's demise, as compared to that of my mom's - but yet, the emptiness did not seem more toler...

I came here - looking for peace...  Maybe I was trying to run away ... From unpleasantness .... hate .... hurt.....pain.... for just a while.  An escape - to breathe fresh air, to clear my mind and bring some peace - however transient.  But it worked. As I looked up in wonder at the clear blue skies, the green foliage all around and the  tufts of sheer white clouds, as the air got cooler, as the car winded it's way to higher altitudes, something inside me started lifting too.  For the last few days, I have walked these narrow paths through sweet smelling cedar forests, with only butterflies for company and the humming sound of the mating cicadas.  Each trek threw open a new sight, a new flora or a new challenge that I managed to overcome - I have gasped, I have been breathless, my knees have hurt, my legs have got weary .....but each time, my soul lifted higher and higher....to soar above ... refusing to be weighed down by my woes... I felt I was living in ...