The Angel and the Demon...within us all....
Recently, while talking to a friend about a relationship problem, I was reminded of something I taught my daughter long ago when she was around 2 years old ....
I used to tell her that there was within her a "good" girl and a "bad" girl and they both would always give her advice and tell her things she should do...and their opinions would always differ greatly. I would encourage her to take "control" and not listen to the "bad" girl, but to support the "good" more and more and each time she succeeded in doing this, we would celebrate as she had won a "battle", however small.
My daughter took this very seriously ....she was far more serious as a child than she is now, thankfully :) She would rush back from pre-school on some days and and gleefully tell me about her "victories" when she wanted to take someone else's pencil or pick up food from the ground and eat it...but didn't! Small decisions for most, but humungous for a child of 2-3 years, so we celebrated each time!!!
As she grew older, this game stopped....but by then, she had learnt her lesson, I assume and believe.
For this is again, one of my firm beliefs : that there is good and the not-so-good in each and every one of us.
As they say, there are devilish thoughts even in the most angelic minds.....and its alright. That's how most of us are made up of. It's up to us to chose our reactions, our actions that go on to make us "good" or "bad" or the zillion of shades of grey in between.
Chinese philosophy also says the same....through the concept of yin and yang...
Yin and yang are opposite in nature, but they are a part of nature.They rely on each other - they can't exist without each other. The balance of yin and yang is important. This balance brings harmony.
Similarly, in humans, I believe the good and the not-so-good exist together but through our values, education, choices, we shape our "characters". That does not mean we are always able to wipe out the other aspect completely, it just means we keep them dormant, we "control".
However, when we deal with others, we sometimes tend to get very judgmental; we are quick to form opinions about people. Whereas, we actually need to be more aware of the road each is walking to be able to understand why he or she has made those choices and that consideration may help us deal better with that individual or that relationship.
I have personally always steered clear of painting anyone black or white and that has made me more open as a person, more tolerant and more receptive. And I strongly advocate the same - that we must try to understand differences in perspectives before typecasting...
So for those around us that seem darker than others, let's try and understand them more, judge less, help more - there must be something good in them too.
And for those that seem like saints, let's be aware that they are humans too....it's alright for them to stumble once in a while, to fall even, to have feet of clay. We should not raise eyebrows then, instead help them by not adding to their obvious discomfort.
At the end of the day, we are all humans - made of the same ingredients - each of us have the yin and the yang.
Let's build on our "angels" - more power to them - and learn to control our "demons".
Let's acknowledge that in our relationships, the other party also has his or her "angels" and "demons" which we need to learn to understand and then deal with. That will only strengthen our bonds.
I believe the world would be a more peaceful place if we all appreciated this....and like my baby daughter, focussed on celebrating our "victories" however small - every time the good vanquished the bad.
"You may say I am a dreamer.....but I am not the only one."
Thankfully.
I used to tell her that there was within her a "good" girl and a "bad" girl and they both would always give her advice and tell her things she should do...and their opinions would always differ greatly. I would encourage her to take "control" and not listen to the "bad" girl, but to support the "good" more and more and each time she succeeded in doing this, we would celebrate as she had won a "battle", however small.
My daughter took this very seriously ....she was far more serious as a child than she is now, thankfully :) She would rush back from pre-school on some days and and gleefully tell me about her "victories" when she wanted to take someone else's pencil or pick up food from the ground and eat it...but didn't! Small decisions for most, but humungous for a child of 2-3 years, so we celebrated each time!!!
As she grew older, this game stopped....but by then, she had learnt her lesson, I assume and believe.
For this is again, one of my firm beliefs : that there is good and the not-so-good in each and every one of us.
As they say, there are devilish thoughts even in the most angelic minds.....and its alright. That's how most of us are made up of. It's up to us to chose our reactions, our actions that go on to make us "good" or "bad" or the zillion of shades of grey in between.
Chinese philosophy also says the same....through the concept of yin and yang...
Yin and yang are opposite in nature, but they are a part of nature.They rely on each other - they can't exist without each other. The balance of yin and yang is important. This balance brings harmony.
Similarly, in humans, I believe the good and the not-so-good exist together but through our values, education, choices, we shape our "characters". That does not mean we are always able to wipe out the other aspect completely, it just means we keep them dormant, we "control".
However, when we deal with others, we sometimes tend to get very judgmental; we are quick to form opinions about people. Whereas, we actually need to be more aware of the road each is walking to be able to understand why he or she has made those choices and that consideration may help us deal better with that individual or that relationship.
I have personally always steered clear of painting anyone black or white and that has made me more open as a person, more tolerant and more receptive. And I strongly advocate the same - that we must try to understand differences in perspectives before typecasting...
So for those around us that seem darker than others, let's try and understand them more, judge less, help more - there must be something good in them too.
And for those that seem like saints, let's be aware that they are humans too....it's alright for them to stumble once in a while, to fall even, to have feet of clay. We should not raise eyebrows then, instead help them by not adding to their obvious discomfort.
At the end of the day, we are all humans - made of the same ingredients - each of us have the yin and the yang.
Let's build on our "angels" - more power to them - and learn to control our "demons".
Let's acknowledge that in our relationships, the other party also has his or her "angels" and "demons" which we need to learn to understand and then deal with. That will only strengthen our bonds.
I believe the world would be a more peaceful place if we all appreciated this....and like my baby daughter, focussed on celebrating our "victories" however small - every time the good vanquished the bad.
"You may say I am a dreamer.....but I am not the only one."
Thankfully.
We are our own opposites. You see Freud would have argued that we are all animals in the end, but we are having to resist our instincts for the sake of civilisation; this works, but this also makes us unhappy. Instinct versus Civilisation runs through the ages, though Freud was just too dark for most people, and today's conservatives will say civilisation is the good thing that keeps us on the line (they don't talk about unhappiness any more - presumably that has been taken care of by democracy and shopping malls). So, the solution, as you expect will come, may be to reconcile us with our 'civilisation', which may be about meeting us somewhat half way, allowing freedoms to be ourselves and yet creating an operating system based on compassion.
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