Give them wings .....

My daughter has started the last exam she will take while in school - then she goes on to college. I am hopeful that she will go to college in a distant land - far away from me. Many close to me find this difficult to fathom that given where I stand in life, I wish for her to go away and live away from me..... 

To be completely honest, it freaks me out too. Sometimes, my mind fast forwards to the end of this year, when she is not around ....... and I plunge into severe depression..... I howl softly into my blanket, cuddling my soft pillow....

But I don't dwell on it too much ..... I try and shift my focus as soon as possible ..... that is a bridge I will cross, when I come to it. For now, I bring the focus back to the excitement of a 17 year old preparing to leave her nest and face the world alone.....I share her feverish anticipation. 

I want to give her wings, I have always done this  ......wings... to fly as high as she wishes, to places and experiences that her dreams are made of.

I have always believed in these famous words of Kahlil Gibran: 

"Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, 

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 

and He bends you with His might 

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 

so He loves also the bow that is stable."

Now is the time for me to bend my bow such that she can go forth ....and so I will.....

Recently, I have had a couple of very interesting conversations with my close connects around raising our kids - what works, what doesn't, what we can control, what we can't - and I realize more and more - as with most other relationships - there are no "best" ways of parenting. It's a journey, a learning - as much for the parent as it is for the kid. (Actually, I believe they learn to deal with us faster than we learn to deal with them!) 

Now, let me reconfirm that I am not the world's best mom - far from it. Infact, I have some people who actually believe I have not done a good job - thankfully, I don't believe a word they say!!!! However, I will agree, I am unconventional..... 

For me, feeding the child's mind is more important than feeding the child's mouth.

For me, protecting the child's self esteem is more important than protecting them from minor physical injuries.

I strongly believe that the best gift that you can give your child are indeed, "wings" - a solid foundation of love, respect, a strong value system, an ability to dream and the resources to follow through. The rest they will take care of, on their own. If we fail in these quarters, chances are that they will struggle throughout their lives - and for no real fault of theirs. That is indeed sad.

I strongly also believe that the worst we can do for our kids is to look at them through prisms of our own childhood, our own experiences, our own aspirations. What we could not do when we were young and wanted to, what we wanted to become and did not, how we used to play, to study, to behave - none of these are actually relevant to their journeys and yet sometimes we allow them so much space when we "decide" on things for our kids...... unfair, uncalled for! And always leads to problems, insecurities, dysfunctional behaviors. Sad again!

All easier said than done - I realize too. And I have stumbled a lot while bringing up my 17 year old. But I have tried to remain in "learning mode" all through - to keep adjusting my style - and to be aware of the pitfalls I have mentioned above. 

Only Time will tell how much of a success I have been with her. Yet, for me, as I see my princess flutter her wings and prepare confidently for her flight ..... I cannot stop a tiny sense of pride inching its way into my heart. And it has nothing to do with how much "success" she will achieve in her life, going forward - for I believe "success" is also relative - but when she walks tall despite all the hurdles she has had to face in her young life, speaks firmly on matters that require opinions, offers support to her peers.... I feel blessed, and happy that I gave her wings....

Along with leaving this planet as a better world, let's also try to leave better kids to this world. It's important!